


What Would Freud Say?

by Tlikesprettythings



Category: Prodigal Son (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Mild Language, Slow Burn, it's Malcolm Bright there is always angst!, no beta we die like men!, or in this case fall down elevator shafts and have our wildest dreams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:22:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29569557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tlikesprettythings/pseuds/Tlikesprettythings
Summary: Dani shows Malcolm some kindness and he thinks that she is the best person he knows...The aftermath of his fall and confession to Dani about what really happened with Endicott
Relationships: Malcolm Bright & Dani Powell, Malcolm Bright/Dani Powell
Comments: 27
Kudos: 118





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm sure we were all left with so many feels after 2x06, so I decided to break the scene from the precinct down and this is going where we will see haha I might leave it as a one-shot or continue it not sure it. This is also my first PS post here though not my first story, so please comment and let me know what you think. <3
> 
> This was not beta-read! 
> 
> The title is of course from their theme song on the show and the start of their friendship...

  


The sharp pain blinded him slightly as he slowly walked off balance towards JT and _Dani_ …

He raised his eyes to her face, so familiar, and yet he felt like something was missing, her eyes full of concern, the lightness in her approach, that intimacy that was there in his dream was gone, because that Dani stayed locked away in his subconscious, yet here she was solid and in front of him. His chest tightened as he swallowed and asked softly, “When was the last time I spoke to you?”

Dani knit her brows together, of course, this was to be expected after he had fallen 4 stories down an elevator shaft, she wasn’t sure how he was still standing so of course he was probably a bit disoriented but this subdued Bright felt off, “uh, like, 20 minutes ago.” She saw the almost ghost of an expression pass through his eyes as he nodded, as her eyes drifted to get a look at him she noticed something in his hand. “Is that a human skull?”

“I know who the killer is.” He said, there are just too many things going through his head and he had to put his angst on the back burner for now. There was a job that had to be done, the only thing he can do. Even in his wildest dreams, he was a detective…

The rest of it moved quickly as they arrested Rupert Swann the Bowery Ripper, the confusion riddled questions from Greta his daughter flooding Malcolm’s head, he remembered what it was like to be in her shoes, at least she was old enough to truly understand the gravity of what was happening, at least she had time to be with her father. He now knew what his life would be like if he never knew about The Surgeon if he had gone on living in a dream-like state. He chanced a glance at Dani who was driving them back to the precinct. He would be someone she could be with. 

“Hey, you ok?” she asked turning her head to look at him. Her mantra when it came to him, constantly trying because _she was the best person_ he knew. “How do you feel?”

He lifted a hand to his head and flinched, it was damp with his blood, this is who he was, someone who was bloody and grimy, literally and metaphorically. “Like I fell down an elevator shaft.”

“Next time, I recommend the stairs.” She teased to lighten the mood, as she usually did when he got in his head too deep. 

Malcolm chuckled softly, “yea…” giving his subconscious some credit for being able to recreate Dani perfectly. The rest of the drive was quiet and that feeling that something was off with him wouldn’t stop nagging her. 

II

Of course, he would figure out a murder in a dream, they had booked Rupert Swann, Bright gave his statement to them explaining how he figured it out and the wild dream he had where Gil was the one in Claremont instead of his father, now she could tell that something was definitely off, more than the concussion he was probably suffering from, more than the fatigue of his body slamming into concrete and the remains of a body and god knows what else. 

She couldn’t help but watch him a bit closer, there was a blanket of melancholy that sat around his shoulders always, that he wore almost like a cape of retribution but it never slowed him down. But today he seemed to be crushed by the weight of it and she wondered what it was that added to that. Was it the way Greta Swann seemed destroyed by her father like he was? She also noticed that his eyes mostly avoided hers, or would linger on her ever so slightly when he thought she wasn't looking. She chewed the inside of her cheek, there was an anxiousness that has been growing lately regarding the man sat across from her. Something was definitely wrong, she just had to decide if she wanted to cross that threshold to push him and demand answers as if she had the right to them. 

Gil sat back in his chair arms folded across his chest, letting a sigh escape, he looked at Malcolm, “get yourself checked out for that nasty gash, go home, clean up and get some rest. You look like hell.” All said with a teasing affection behind the words. 

He felt like hell, and honestly to some extent been through it only to walk right back into the real one. He nodded from where he sat, it was as if this was the dream state.

“Nice work man, get some rest,” JT said as he stood to exit the room mumbling, “You must be the luckiest man alive to avoid dying so much…”

The warmth was there, but it was missing just that little bit of familiarity that his subconscious JT had. The familiarity of close partners, or people who shared time outside of work, that spend weekends and shared families to form a bigger bond. His lips curved a little and he found himself softly say, “Thanks.”

Gil was next to leave the room, giving his shoulder a squeeze in that affectionate way he has always done. You lose things but you gain others, the world was working with balancing weights, and to tip the scale just back a little it gave him things like Gil and _her_. He noticed that Dani hadn’t moved from where she leaned against the windows, the street lights illuminating her in a yellowish glow.

She looked nervous like she wanted to ask him more. They were always in this constant battle it seems, he tried not to profile her but he also knew things worked closer to black and white for Dani, his shades of gray, his secrets, and reasoning wouldn’t make sense to her convictions and integrity. So he broke the rules again and tried to read her. But his mind wouldn’t stop showing him the flashes of her that he wanted, the comfort and ease she brought him and felt with him. The way he imagined her lips felt and tasted. 

He sighed, his ever trembling hand going to his head and instantly feeling the sore skin of his temple, his body jerked ever so slightly, but she caught it. She wordlessly stood up straight and walked out of the room, he scoffed a bit at himself. His father wasn’t wrong he did create the misery he lived in, he made the wrong decisions over and over and the biggest one he had to sort out now was Ainsley. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t hear her come back in or that she was pulling up a chair until he felt her hand tentatively touch his wrist that rested against his temple. 

His eyes went to her instantly, her warmth assaulted him and comforted him, her scent a combination of jasmine and ylang-ylang which was subtle hit him fully. She had a packet of what looked like wet wipes in her hand, “I always keep these cause you know the hassle of the job, never know when you’re gonna get dirty or bloody.” 

He couldn’t say a word as she pulled one free and proceeded to wipe at the dried grime and blood around his face. The gentleness of this Dani matching that of the one that lived in his mind. She continued to talk softly, “I mean it’s not a shower, which you will need but I know there is some paperwork to be done and it’s not a nice feeling when you’re already feeling like shit to be covered in it as well.”

_She won’t be there not like she is here…_

There was an intimacy in what she was doing, she knew that, but she couldn’t deal with this air of defeat that seems to surround him tonight, kindness is kindness she decided, she would do it for anyone she decided, no questions asked for Gil or JT, so why not him? They were friends, and friends showed each other kindness even when one of them was always pushing away. She took her right hand and turned his face to her as she worked, she was grateful that the precinct was mostly dead tonight. Under the guise of cleaning his face, she let her thumb brush his cheekbone ever so slightly, let her fingers feel the hair at his nape while covered in dirt and blood still soft. Learning the plains of his face that she’s looked at for a while now, her heart pounded in her chest as she pushed some of his hair back into place.

She heard his intake of breath at her action, and finally, she chanced a glance into his eyes. They were so blue, so fragile, and yet there was such appreciation that it hurt her heart a bit that he was in this state of never-ending chaos and pain. Malcolm’s mind flashed to a moment when she was this close to him, how her fingers cupped his face in such adoration and love, only that wasn’t real, but this was. The feel of her hands on his skin, the feeling was indescribable at the moment. It both made him feel whole and want to fall apart. 

He didn’t deserve her warmth and kindness, his eyes searched hers and saw care and questions that clouded her mind that she wouldn’t ask cause she didn’t want to push and want him to be better, he had promised her he’d do better. He promised she could trust him, that he would be the kind of friend that didn’t break her trust and hurt her, but the first sign of distress he broke it and continued until he ended up here. He swallowed the lump in his throat and opened his mouth to say something, anything, to tell her everything but nothing came. And he saw her shut up again, retreating behind the wall she lived to survive.

Dani cleared her throat, dropping her hands from his face. “That should tie you over until you’re done with the basic paperwork.” Pulling away and missing the warmth of his skin. This is why it was dangerous because the line was getting blurry and her heart weaker. She balled up the used wipes and stood to leave.

“Dani,” He called as she turned her back to him, he eyed the way her body held the breath as if he would tell her now, and she could trust him to be her friend. When all he could muster was a “thank you.” she nodded without turning to look at him and walked out. 

_She won’t be there…_

No, she wouldn’t, not if he kept this up. But the fear of how she would look at him kept him silent, the fear of what will happen to Ainsley kept him silent, the circus that would come back to life again once the media got hold of this and what it would do to his mother kept him silent. His head continued to hurt. Secrets from Ainsley, secrets from Dani, he couldn’t control this not without it causing more harm than good. 

On any given day he felt like he was barely afloat, today he was definitely drowning. Sighing he started on the necessary paperwork even though he wanted to run to her and sweep her into his arms and beg her to forgive and to give him a chance. He didn’t hope for much, but he didn’t know when it happened but he started to hope for her. 

II

He picked up his phone and texted Ainsley that they needed to talk and that it was urgent. He couldn’t undo what he did, but he could at least start here. Sighing he looked down at the notepad and started jotting things down for the prosecutors’ office. When he rechecked his watch again, 45 minutes had gone by, and he needed to head back to his place. His head was pounding but he stood and pulled the notepads and his folders together. 

She watched him from her desk as he worked on his report, her own almost done. When she saw him twist his neck to release the tension then stand, she followed suit pulling her coat on and throwing the messenger bag across her body. She stood watching him for a second wondering if she should try again to reach him. 

Walking around to the door of the conference room, she leaned against the frame and said, “that place really was haunted.”

He turned to her and chuckled, finally finding his voice again and she thought for a second that there was hope. “In my experience, people are always scarier than ghosts.” She chuckled and turned away, yeah, they were and she saw it every day. She smiled and stepped up a bit closer.

“I still can’t believe you solved a murder in a dream,” she was always impressed with his abilities, but she also knew that getting him to talk about the work is what would give her clues to what was going on in his head. 

His lips turned up, “The subconscious mind is a powerful thing.” And was it, every bit of her face perfect and aligned in his head to the point of actually thinking he could taste her lips.

She looked at him and smiled, “mmhmm,” with a teasing yet heartfelt tone she followed with “Sherlock Freud cracks another one.” There were affection and admiration and something else in her eyes but he couldn’t put it together.

He just chuckled and looked down at his shoes, she was always trying and he was always letting her down. She inhaled and said, “Gil didn’t seem too pleased you said he was at Claremont.” There was a twinkle of humor but he knew what she was doing. 

So countered back, “not sure why. He really pulled off a cardigan.” 

She scrunched her face in that adorable way when she was about to tease him or counter his banter, and stated: “that man will be buried in a turtleneck.”

Malcolm grinned and said “right.”

These moments with her, where she let him be this way, were some of his favorite moments. Watching her trying to keep from smiling. But after tonight he felt like a fraud, who was he kidding he'd been feeling this way for some time now. He watched as she turned to leave, letting it rest there he also turned back to the task of getting his things together. "what about me?" she asked tentatively biting her lower lip, he turned to look at her as she then continuing "was I, I don't know, different in your dream?" She was curious and unsure. 

Malcolme looked at her then looked away, his mind wandering to the moments etched into his brain, and softly said "Yes." the flash of her long bare legs draped across his lap, the way she kissed him, the way she made him feel like the luckiest man alive all flashed through his mind. When his eyes met hers, she had that same look she did when she asked him what he wanted to say to her while he was holding a live bomb. "and no." he found himself saying with a ghost of a smile as he thought about the softness, her ability to make him feel like he was a worthy human being, someone who deserved to be loved and realized that Dani was exactly the same in both worlds, his mind wandering right back to her in his arms looking at him with nothing but love in her eyes. 

She gave him a confused smile, "what does that mean?" There was more, she knew there was. Especially now as she watched his body language the way he looked almost haunted by the memory.

Drawing himself back to the present, he took a breath and looked at her, "dream stuff, it's complicated." quickly hoping that his humble condescension would ease her away from it, to make sure she understood that he did mean it to be humble quickly added, "I wouldn't want to bore you with it." 

But Dani saw that his eyes didn't agree with the words that left his mouth, he wanted to tell her everything, or at least his eyes did. She pursed her lips and smiled her defeat and told him what was always true, "The one thing you never do is bore me."

Malcolm's mind ran back to that fantasy the bit he kept to himself for himself selfishly. She had said the same there, and his heart thud just a bit harder. He looked at her and smiled and tried to hold it together, to not take the few steps parting them and cross that threshold. Instead, he watched her look at him pointedly, and say softly "goodnight _Malcolm_ " as she turned to leave not waiting for his reply. He looked after her, the longing now unclouded because there was no one to see it, and wondered if he imagined it, she always called him Bright. Maybe his mind was playing tricks or his concussion was gearing up for another round, but he nodded his head and softly whispered back to the ghost of her scent, "goodnight," but it felt more like a goodbye. 

_A partner he can actually be honest with..._

Malcolm scoffed and added another weight to the cape he wore...maybe someday he could tell her just how much she means to him and that she is the best person he knows. He recalled reading Murakami's words _"if you can love someone with your whole heart, even one person, then there's salvation in life. Even if you can't get together with that person."_ Dani was his salvation and in order to be hers, he needed to be honest and let her walk away from him he decided.

After all, Freud said "Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to let my creative juice take me where ever it may. Thank you to TheWaxLion for the encouragement to continue writing for Brightwell. I love these two and I want them to be ok. I'm upping the rating cause of cussing and later for other grown things. Not beta-read. 
> 
> Once again please comment and let me know what you think.

He stared at the drink and phone in front of him, the events of the day finally catching up and destroying him so a drink wouldn’t be the worst thing that would happen to this head or body, he needs the liquid courage. He moved through a shower and change of clothes as if he wasn’t actually in his own body. His mind flashed to just an hour ago when he came home to Ainsley resolute on telling her the truth, on helping her work through what was happening to her. He squeezed his hand tight to stop the tremor. 

_He stared down at Ainsley’s blood-covered top. His concussed brain struggling to keep up and the voice in his head asking him what now? Who was it? Was he going to cover up another murder? At the very least with Endicott, there was a self-defense argument, stress-induced psychotic break. But what now? He didn’t know how to calm his breathing as he stared down at her. And one thought ran through his mind...he caused this._

_Ainsley’s “I’m sorry. I didn’t know where else to go.” Clouded over by his brain screaming at him for more than one reason. He closed his eyes and gave his head a shake, willing it to slow down and tackle things one at a time. “Malcolm…”_

_He opened his eyes and took a deep breath, he slowly edged closer to her, “Ains…” He honestly didn’t have anything to say, he didn’t know what to do. “Who...who was it? What happened?” He asked slowly lowering himself to the other end of the sofa._

_“I...I...went to see Ramon Vieja, I followed some substantial financials trails of bribery and racketeering, I just wanted another statement…” She trailed off as her eyes darted quickly recalling the events leading up to where she was standing over the billionaire’s body covered in blood, hands trembling. She was just following up a story, that was all it was supposed to be._

_Malcolm let out a breath and ran his hand through his hair, the dried blood, and grim catching and eliciting a pain from his currently tender scalp. How was he going to save them all from this? His life was over, and a flash of Dani’s smiling face ran behind his eyes._

He had told Ainsley to go home after he took every detail of her visit to Ramone Vieja, even making her take off her bloody shirt which now sat in an evidence bag in his closet, emptying her pockets, and trying his best not to alter evidence. They would deal with the consequences tomorrow, once they told their mother. He just needed a second to figure out what to do, and not fuck it up even more. He needed the courage to call Gil and come clean about everything and do it in a way that would protect Ainsley and his mother.

The knock-on his door broke his wandering mind, pulling him back to the present and he looked up at it. Looking down at his phone quickly to see the time. 1:30 in the morning, When he heard another knock, he walked towards the door and opened it to find Dani mid-fist ready to knock again. She slowly lowered her hand and looked at him almost sheepishly.

She was chewing the inside of her cheek and looked unsure, next thing he knew he was pulling her into his arms and holding her tightly. The shock of it kept her suspended for a second with her arms at her side until they came up around him slowly. “Bright?”

She was back to calling him Bright again it seemed, but all he wanted just for a moment was to feel like his world wasn’t falling apart for the second time that night because as much as it was all in his head, the loss he felt was real. He let her scent calm him and her warmth comfort him, her fingers brushing his back ever so lightly. “Bright, is everything okay?”

He didn’t want to let go, he didn’t want to lose the warmth she provided, but he had to, he knew he had to, so he did. Pulling away from her slowly, he ran a hand through his hair and looked at her, an apology ready. “Sorry about that...I umm...it’s been a rough day. But no excuse for just ambushing you like that. Sorry.”

Dani nodded still standing at his door, “it’s ok...don’t worry about it.”

Malcolm shook his head and walked into his apartment, giving her a clear sign to follow him in. She walked in and closed the door behind her. He ended up at the kitchen island, so she followed slowly. She didn’t really know why she was there, just that she needed to see him. That nagging feeling that has been with her all day wouldn’t let her relax and the next thing she knew she was pulling her jeans on and throwing on her coat over her t-shirt not bothering to change. 

“Do you want something to drink? Coffee, tea, sparkling water?” He offered as he looked at her standing in front of him as his fingers wrapped around the glass of scotch, now chewing her bottom lip. His eyes lingered there for a moment, before meeting her eyes but she caught him.

She walked forward and took a seat and placed her hand on the cool stone of the island. She pressed her lips together then looked at him. “I..uh, I wanted to check in on you.”

Malcolm found himself smile, Dani was a nurturer through and through. Once again his mind gave him flashes of just how caring she could be, how reassuring she could be. He turned around and grabbed a bottle of San Pelligrino and proceed to pour it into a glass and place it in front of her. “Thanks.” He said eyes downcast, “I don’t deserve your kindness, but thank you for thinking of me.”

She toyed with the glass in front of her and shook her head, “Don’t do that, don’t put yourself down like that. _You deserve everything._ ”

Oh if only she knew, if only she knew of the horrors, she wouldn’t be sitting here checking in on him in the middle of the night from across town. She won’t be here for much longer, that was for sure, so he allowed himself this respite, this moment of her company and this last drink they would have together before all hell broke loose. Before he was sitting across from her in an interrogation room again. The world had a way of tipping the scale, and she deserved so much better.

“I’m not going to push you to talk to me, but I want to let you know that I know something is wrong and I want to be here for you, but…” she didn’t know what to, or how to reach him are the words left unsaid as she looked down at the tiny bubbles in the glass. 

“I...have not been a good friend.” He said after a beat, which caused her to look up at him. He scrubbed his face with his hands and then pushed his hair back. The bruise from his fall turning darker. 

There was no point in denying that he wasn’t fine, or whatever other bullshit excuses he gave to her every time she asked him if he was ok. He chuckled, “I think I worked too hard to be _ok_ , to appear ok, that I can’t even tell when I’m not.” he shrugged. 

She didn’t say anything as she watched him, slowly unravel a bit for her, at least he admitted kind of, to not being ok. She took a sip of the sparkling water, letting the bubbles dance on her tongue.

“In my dream, I saw what life would’ve been like if I never found that box. If I didn’t know what my father was, the people I think we’d be as a family.” He started then pausing to take another sip of the scotch, he looked at her as she listened to him intently, ready and waiting to be his knight in shining armor with a cascading head of curls. He smiled at the image. 

She knew there was more to his dream than he let on. More to what was going on with him since Gil’s stabbing and Endicott’s disappearance. She knew everything was tied, her gut was practically screaming at her. “Were you _happy_ in that dream?”

Malcolm met her eyes, and that same smile he had given her at the station came lingering back. She wondered if she was a big part of this dream. He seemed so dismissive about it she just assumed that she played the same role she always had, just a background player to his every day. But she couldn’t help but wonder if in this perfect dream world he had someone if he was happier if he felt safer. 

She didn’t know when it happened but she found herself wondering about Malcolm Bright, wondering if he was okay, wondering if he had slept well the night before, wondering if he’s had more to eat than a pack of Twizzlers. She wanted him to be happy, of course, she wanted this for everyone, but it mattered to her that _he_ was. When she let herself have a moment to feel more than just the concerns of a colleague, she feels sad that his whole life was stolen from him. He was a victim and the worst of it was that he relived it every day and she didn’t know which was worse the way he lived or dying.

“I was.” He finally said. “I was normal, had a normal life. Slept, ate, spend time with my family where my mother wasn’t self-medicating or drinking and she apparently made scones.” he shrugged. 

“Your mom made scones?” she asked teasingly, she could not picture Jessica Whitley anywhere near an oven.

“I know right?” He chuckled. “Everything was so...ordinary.”

She tucked a curl behind her ear and rested her head on her palm, “so in your wildest dream your mom makes scones and you live a normal life huh?” she smiled at him. 

Malcolm always found her attractive, she was a beautiful woman. But the more he got to know her, the more beautiful she became to him. The more important she became. He wanted to keep her taint free of his world or at least that was the bullshit he told himself whenever she probed for more. He told himself he was protecting her, but really he was protecting himself. “Yea, crazy right?”

She shook her head lightly, “not really, you basically have what most people dream of. You are already well off so no need to think of that, you dreamt of what most people have but you don’t. Seems legit to me.” she shrugged gently. “What...about someone in your life?” She wanted to know if Eve was there if his mind conjured her back to life. 

His cool eyes bore into her, she felt herself get that shiver down her spine. His smile told her that there was someone special because that was also what most people dreamt of, having someone you can wholly be yourself with, someone to come home to, someone to trust, and love. Malcolm swallowed another gulp of his drink and contemplated a refill. He knew his time with her was very quickly coming to a close, and he wanted to tell her everything, he wanted to be here like this with her. 

“We all want someone who understands us.” He simply answered. “So naturally, in my dream world, I was with someone who understands me the best.”

She didn’t want to know more and yet she did. She found herself scolding herself for even thinking this way, for feeling...jealous of a fictitious woman in his mind that he could talk to. Again she didn’t know when it happened but Malcolm Bright broke through the cracks of the wall she had around her heart for protection. Admitting she was attracted to him took her a minute, she denied it to herself in the bathroom mirror. Eventually owning up to it and then rationalizing that he was attractive cause his mind was, he was brilliant at what he did albeit a bit intense. Then came the desire to run her fingers through his hair or to look him in the eyes and tell him he was worth it, or to touch him the way she had earlier tonight without guise. 

All of this scared her shitless, but what scared her the most is how much she trusted him despite his tendencies to keep things from her and even there she rationalized, she wasn’t his girlfriend or wife, he didn’t owe her anything more than he felt was necessary. His mother had dubbed her his closest friend, and she realized that he was hers. “I’m glad.”

“You want to know what she was like.” He simply stated reading her body language. He found the situation almost light-hearted given the fact that just a couple of hours ago his sister had told him she lost her shit again. He couldn’t be selfish in his dream, he had to leave, he had to live to be here in this moment and so he let himself have a little bit more of this moment. 

Dani scrunched her face, “I guess, I’m curious. Was she like Eve?” They didn’t speak much about the woman who came in like a whirlwind, who was connected to his biggest trauma, the one who became a casualty in his life. She watched as his smile faltered a bit, “sorry, that was stupid...I mean...I just thought she could be there.”

Malcolm realized while the girl in the box had such an impact on his life, that the remorse he felt in losing Eve came more from the guilt of association, of being part of the reason her life was altered and cut short. He did enjoy his time with Eve but it wasn’t love, at least he didn’t think so. The mundane comfort and closeness all felt insincere. He felt more from his dream Dani than real-life Eve. It wasn’t lost on him that once upon a time, his subconscious told him that Eve wasn’t someone he could take at face value, that he didn’t trust her. While Dani was someone he could be his barest self with, his subconscious trusted Dani more than anyone. And the simple fact that with everything that has happened since her death he actually hadn’t thought about Eve and that brought another wave of remorse.

“It wasn’t her and it’s ok. It makes sense.” He shrugged softly.

Dani winced inwardly, it was tactless of her, “Sorry…”

“Don’t be.” He said quickly brushing it away. 

She knit her brows together and cleared her throat, “so what was the complicated part of the dream process that made me different but not? Come on bore me Sherlock Freud.” She was curious and fuck it she was here pushing him already at two in the morning, she might as well hear it. 

Malcolm actually laughed softly at this, then sincerely said, “In this world, this imagined world we were all lighter, the things that weigh us down didn’t exist so you were you but not you. You were you in all the ways it matters. Always having my back and encouraging me to be kinder to myself.”

Dani smiled, it was good to know that in his mind he wanted them to be okay as much as she wanted him to be ok. That his mind had a clear and affectionate image of her. She didn’t want to admit it, but it mattered that he saw her as someone who was good. “Well maybe you should listen to the Dani in your head, she sounds like she knows what she is talking about.”

_“And we don’t keep secrets from each other.”_

Malcolm nodded at her, “yea…”

Dani felt the shift, he was retreating and she couldn’t let him, not yet. “Bright?”

“Would you still be here if you found out I did something horrible?” he asked softly his eyes on his hands, his mind replaying the disembodiment of Endicott. 

Dani sat up straight, “what do you mean?” her heart did that jump it did whenever it was scared. What could he have done? But there was something definitely and her gut was screaming at her now. “Like what?”

He bit his bottom lip and nodded, there was no way he could save them if he didn’t open up now if he didn’t tell her. But there was a part of him that needed her to know that he cared about her, or was that just leverage? He didn’t know and the tremor in his hand came on full force.

Dani watched his hand and then watched him fist it in a tight grip to make it stop. She stood and made her way to his side, placing a hand over his. “Malcolm…” she didn’t call him by his first name often, actually she didn’t know when it started but it was reserved for when they were alone...she hoped he would understand that she meant well. 

“It was you in the dream…” he whispered as he met her eyes. 

Dani found herself to be confused, it was her in the dream? He read her and simply continued, “you asked me if I had someone in my life, the person who I had in my dream life was...you.”

Realization flooded her, and she felt breathless, a simple “oh” left her and she just stared at the endless depth of his eyes. They were also her favorite, so bright and intense, and yet held so much darkness behind them. 

Malcolm reached out with his left hand and brush a curl behind her ear, letting his fingers ghost over the shell of her ear then down the side of her jaw. He swallowed and continued, “you were here, sleeping in my bed, we woke up together, we had morning coffee together. We had routines. It was all so normal and...beautiful.”

Dani couldn’t move, she couldn’t look away from his eyes, his touch igniting something completely different in her belly, she felt hot. She parted her lips and licked the bottom one, and Malcolm’s eyes were instantly on them. 

“In my dream, I got to touch you, I got to kiss you, feel you.” 

His hand made its way to the back of her neck, his eyes clouded over and she watched in fascination as he decided if he’d cross the line, the anticipation making her dizzy, and making her realize just how much she wanted him to cross the line. 

“We were partners in every sense, we belonged to each other completely…”

She couldn’t wait and just when she thought she’d have to make the move, he met her halfway with such force, her mouth opening to him completely, as he took his now very steady hand to rest on her waist, to pull her against him, one of her hands closed around his wrist that held the back of her neck and the other going to cup the side of his face.

With each brush of her lips, Malcolm forgot who he was. He was so thankful at this moment that she wanted him, and the realization that she won’t once he told her everything urged them to hold her tighter. He selfishly, greedily let his tongue taste every bit of her, the coolness of the sparkling water a sensation as she met his stroke for stroke. 

Freud had said that “we choose not randomly each other. We meet only those who already exist in our subconscious. In the small matters trust the mind, in the large ones the heart.”

His heart belonged to Dani a long time ago, now he just had to have the courage to be the man she thought he was and survive her walking away from him, as much as he thought this was for the best, that was before he kissed Dani Powell for real.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I should probably pace these out, but I'm also on a roll and so I'll just keep posting them and I hope you keep reading them!
> 
> Thank you so much for the lovely comments, they are so encouraging and I like the suggestions for where you'd like to see this going.

She had him pressed up against the kitchen counter, he pulled her in, claiming her mouth again, hungry and intense, until her knees gave in just a bit. He needed her to remember this, so he kissed her fiercely, let his tongue tell her everything that he wouldn’t be able to once actual words left his mouth. He needed her to know that she was important and he dreamt of _her_.

Time stopped for Malcolm, or at the very least he wanted it to as they stood glued to one another. Being here, being able to kiss her and touch but _for real_ this time sent explosions through his brain, his heart was racing and with every meeting of her lips to his, he couldn’t believe she was kissing him back, that maybe she felt a little bit of what he felt for her. 

Heat rose from Dani’s stomach to her chest and spread freely across her skin, her coat which she had kept on due to the fact that she was almost always cold, probably a mental smudge from her addiction. But right now it was capturing the warmth, and she felt like she was in a furnace. She let her hand gently yet firmly grasp at Malcolm’s hair, she needed to breathe but she didn’t know how to stop. After a beat she finally let him go and pushed the coat off her shoulders, instantly finding Malcolm’s lips again, he became aware of her fingers, they had already slipped under his shirt, his skin smooth and radiating heat under her touch. Her cool hands were a welcome relief against his burning skin. 

He knew he had to stop, he knew he couldn’t let this go any further. But his whole body was tingling, he felt like he was drowning and she was his lifeline. It wasn’t far from the truth really. Throughout the months after Endicott and Eve and a global pandemic, it was her that kept him balanced. A text here, a call there, checking in, asking if he needed anything. While the world fell apart she kept him together. 

He pulled away cupping her face, heads pressed together as they took a moment to catch their breaths, she was beautiful with flushed cheeks and full lips a shade or two pinker than normal. He locked this image away in his mind for safekeeping. Her hands rested on his chest, fisting his t-shirt in her grip, no doubt she could feel it pounding away.

“Dani…” He whispered her name, already itching to capture her lips again. He was baffled by the knowledge that this amazing woman who knew _almost_ all his issues wanted him, that he was a fool for not thinking it possible before.

“Malcolm…” her breathy call of his name, broke his resolve again and he leaned forward to capture her lips in a few quick and hard kisses.

“We need to talk…” he said softly, pulling away. 

“We are talking…kind, of,” she said as she trailed kisses down his jaw. He closed his eyes to hold himself together. It was amazing how high his pain threshold was but her kissing him was basically short-circuiting his brain and all he wanted to do was lose control. 

Malcolm chuckled softly, under normal circumstances this moment would be sweet, endearing but he knew that once he told her everything that she wouldn’t feel the same way. His hand was in her hair the other on her hip as she tried to get closer and god did he want to get closer. “I need to tell you something, well a lot of things.”

Dani let loose an exasperated sigh with a smile pulling at her lips. “You know your timing for things is terrible, I have been trying to talk to you for months now.”

Malcolm laughed softly, “I did always have terrible timing,” he moved the hand in her hair to meet her hand over his chest. Letting himself have another second of just holding her close. 

Dani leaned forward and tried to catch his eye. “Malcolm?”

He licked his bottom lip and inhaled, “when I tell you what I am about to tell you, this moment will be over. And I’m just bracing for it. But I also know that if I don’t tell you, whatever we just started right now won’t stand a chance…and I really hope there is a chance,” He spoke mostly to himself really. “You’d hate me...if this continued further than where we are now.”

“I...I could never hate you.” She said letting her hand caress the side of his face, eyes soft. His mind showed him an image of her looking at him just as she was now where she said he was the best person she knew.

He looked down at her and the weight of his mistakes really hit him. The weight of his self-centered loathing hit him, he had missed his chance with her without realizing he had a chance. He had become someone who kept secrets and made calls all in the name of family and protecting those he loved, all the excuses that his father used. 

He sighed and pulled away from her, the confusion already making its way onto her face. She watched him as he scrubbed at his face, that feeling was coming back again that something was really wrong. She reached out and touched his arm, “Hey, talk to me. I’m here no matter what it is.”

“That’s just it, you won’t be here once I tell you.” He said, his voice going up an octave. “Dani...I fucked up. I fucked up bad.”

There were moments in her life that she felt real fear, like when she was ODing there was a moment where she thought it was all over, and honestly in her short time with Malcolm she was always worried for him but the look in his eyes right now told her that he was scared, whatever it was, was really bad, and that fear came crashing down on her. She waited for him to tell her more. 

“Earlier today, when you asked me what was the family ambush about, I couldn’t tell you because there is a bigger part of the story.” He started. 

She nodded and simply urged him to continue. She knew how complicated the Whitley family was, and how much it affected him. Maybe talking about it would help him be less on edge.

“When you and JT left to get the warrant for Endicott, the reason he wasn’t there was because he was at my mother’s house. I got a text from Ainsley telling me to come home right away,” He looked at her, she was listening intently, her brows knitted together trying to piece together the events as he spoke.

“When I got there, Ainsley was visibly scared, but I kept my cool even though just looking at him made my blood boil, I told him that Major Crimes was acquiring a warrant for his house and office along with the secret offices. He was calm, he told me those warrants won’t amount to much as he proceeded to make himself comfortable in our home, pouring himself a drink. It’s as if he owned the place and us,” Malcolm tightened his hand to stop the tremor, this time from anger. 

Dani waited, but her own anger was rising, the man who probably hurt countless people just cause he could and people were scared of, the man who hurt Gil. 

“I mentioned that he had Gil stabbed, to which he casually mentioned that it was his assistant Aaron who had done that, that he was an expendable part of the organization, an organization that was otherwise clean. That Aaron must’ve known that his misdeed would catch up with him. He was going to pin everything on another expandable member who apparently killed himself just hours ago in remorse.”

She could hear the anger behind his voice that he tried to keep calm, but his body language was saying something completely different. He ran his hand through his hair and continued. 

“Just like he made it seem like I killed Eve’s killer, it was just that simple the level and extent of his power. My father scared me cause I was a child and he was someone I thought was supposed to be good. But Endicott, he was a different animal and now I understood to the full extent why even my father was afraid of him. I was so focused on him that I didn’t think about Ainsley for a second.”

His hand was shaking almost uncontrollably now, Dani wanted to reach out to him, but she also didn’t know if she should touch him even though just moments ago she couldn’t keep her hands off him, the shift already an almost painful reminder on her skin. 

“She challenged him saying he couldn’t keep silencing people, and he calmly told her that he could. The anger, the desperation caught up with me and I pulled a gun on him.” 

Dani’s sharp intake of breath made him look at her, she had no idea what was coming, how would she look at him after he wondered? 

“I listed for him all his crimes just against us, Eve, Gil, and who knows what else, and at that moment Dani I really thought he deserved to die. I told him as much.” His mind flashed again to his father saying they were the same, that at that moment he almost believed it, that he was capable of it. His voice dropped to a whisper, “I believed that I was indeed my father’s son.”

Dani turned away from him for a second, her head was swimming, is that what he really thought of himself? She knew he had to struggle with the knowledge that maybe there was some darkness in him that Martin Whitley instilled, she saw as much on their first case together when he confessed who he was when he thought he deserved all the pain, to die. It was the moment she unknowingly decided to protect him, to remind him that his life had value and meaning. 

Dani remembered lying there on that sticky club floor as strangers surrounded her, she remembered feeling so ashamed and actually glad that her father wasn’t there to see this. She remembered that feeling of flying and not caring about all the horrible things that have happened to her but at that moment she came crashing down there was a moment of lucidness where she realized how badly she wanted to live. Seeing Malcolm be so full of angst that he was ready to throw it all away reminded her of that moment. 

Seeing him now, she was angry and her heart hurt for him but also she already knew where this story was headed and her mind battled with her heart. Her head told her that she needed to be objective, her heart asked her what would she have done? Didn’t she find herself in a similar situation the night that someone violated her body without her permission? Didn’t she think she was capable of killing that man? Didn’t she feel hate?

She pressed her lips together and turned back to him, signaling for him to continue. She couldn’t make up her mind until he got to the end. She tried to live as fairly as she possibly could, given the blurred lines of her job. She knew there were double standards, she was a black woman in America. She knew all too well where she stood, so seeing things as clear as possible is what she prided herself in. 

The law wasn’t black and white, or rather, it was too black and white, case in point would be what was happening to JT. 

“He taunted me that I couldn’t go through with it, humiliated my mother, but I couldn’t do it, Dani, he was right I couldn’t pull the trigger. I told him I would find the evidence, and that I’d arrest him.” Malcolm said a tremor in his voice and then he scoffed, “he looked at me incredulously, and simply said I won’t find anything, that he owned the whole system and I knew that he did.  
He said he could do anything he wanted, his own grandiose coming through the charade he had on most of the time and then…”

Dani waited with bated breath, he said he couldn’t do it, and she believed that he couldn’t no matter how much he got into the killer’s head, he wasn’t a killer. She knew this, half the reason she thought he was good for Eve’s killer was that she was following the evidence in black and white and because she was angry. She was angry he got himself into a situation like this, but there was the other half of her that didn’t believe him to be a killer, capable in theory, yes, but he didn’t have the heart to. 

His eyes teared up, closing his eyes as he tightened his grip on the countertop. Her own hands trembled to reach out to him, but she couldn’t bring herself to move. The part of herself that kept her together and strong wouldn’t let her move, not until it assessed the danger. The lump in her throat, the drumming of her heart, her own eyes tearing up at the internal battle that was happening. Her head screamed betrayal, while her heart yelled back that it understood why. She cleared her throat and hoarsely whispered, “what happened next?”

Malcolm didn’t turn to look at her, “Ainsley, she uh, she had a psychotic break, induced by stress...she grabbed a knife, and...and...came up behind him, and slit his throat...it happened so quickly, and I couldn’t stop her...I couldn’t protect her…” the tear ran freely down his face. 

Dani’s heart sank because even before she asked the question she knew the answer. “Bright, what happened to Endicott’s body? How did he end up on the other side of the world?” She needed to call him Bright to have the boundary because she couldn’t call him Malcolm, not now. 

This time he did look at her, his own heartbreaking at the tears that ran down her face as she bit the side of her cheek to keep herself in check or as much as she could, her knuckles white from the fist that rested on top of his kitchen island. “I had to protect her Dani...she couldn’t remember what she had done and to protect her I did what I had to do. I couldn’t lose her too Dani…” 

He pleaded, he hoped that she would understand, that there was a part of her that would get that losing another person would’ve destroyed him or he thought at that time. “I...I took care of the body,” he closed his eyes as he pushed the grotesque images behind his eyes away, “I got rid of it and told Ainsley that I did it. That I killed him.”

Dani scoffed as she strode away from the island and paced, her hands in her hair then running down to cover her mouth. A flood broke loose in her, “what the fuck Bright?!” she couldn’t stand still, but she couldn’t walk away. She felt trapped, she felt trapped by her obligation to her oath, but she also felt trapped by her feeling for him. 

She bit down hard on her lip, “You sat right there and promised that I could trust you.” she said as she pointed at the kitchen island where he had sat the night they decided to become friends. “Why didn’t you call me?”

Malcolm licked his lip and shook his head, she was right, he did let her down. “I’m so sorry Dani...I just didn’t…” think? Didn’t know what to do but cover it all up and take it on himself. 

“Fuck Bright! Fuck! Do you understand what you did? You could’ve gotten her help, anyone would’ve understood, we could’ve helped you. I would have helped you!” she spoke loudly, though she felt like the words were catching in her throat. Then she stopped and looked at him and shook her head. 

He didn’t try to reach out to her, didn’t try to comfort her. He just stood with his head bowed in shame, not only for what he did but also for hurting her like this. She laughed a cold laugh, his eyes peeked at her, “I feel so stupid…”

“Dani…”

She held a hand up to stop him. “You want to know what the really fucked thing is? I get it, I wanted the son of a bitch dead too. He almost took someone who means a lot to me, someone who saved my life. So yea Bright I would’ve helped you. What hurts more than knowing you did what you did is that you lied to me for _months_. I knew something was wrong…”

She angrily wiped at her tears that wouldn’t stop, her heart was breaking with each beat. She swallowed and took a breath that actually hurt. She grabbed her coat off the floor, her mind flashing to the way his lips had moved over her, the way his hands felt around her body, the way she felt seen and safe in his arms. Standing quickly she looked at him. “I can’t be here right now.”

He knew the moment he told her everything that she would leave, that he would lose her. But seeing it happen, watching her cry for him because he caused her pain, he could've never guessed the actual physical pain that would cause him. And he didn’t even tell her about Ainsley tonight. He had to finish this, open this box of secrets. 

“Dani...I think Ainsley might have hurt someone else tonight…she blacked out again. I came home to tell her the truth, to stop gaslighting her and actually get her help, but she was covered in blood...” 

Dani turned to look at him, her anger now taking face, “did you...?”

Malcolm looked her in the eyes, “No, I decided to tell you everything before we head in. Before you showed up, I was working up the courage to call Gil. I think we-you need to check in on Ramon Vieja.”

“You are unbelievable.” She said as she pulled her phone out of her pocket, the Whitley’s were cursed, they had to be for this much suffering and darkness to surround them. She wiped at her nose with the back of her hand and cleared her throat, “this is detective Dani Powell, I need a 10-78 at 45th and Park, Ramone Vieja. I’ll meet you there in 15.”

She turned to him and couldn’t say anything more as she walked towards the door. She hesitated a moment, her fingers lingering on the door handle. She wanted so much for all this to be a horrible nightmare, she wanted to wake up and just find him standing across from her, she wanted to go back to 45 minutes ago when they sat and bantered as they always did. But then again she pushed for the answers, her quest for the truth led her here countless times and tonight he gave in.

She heard him move up behind her, still not daring to touch her, but she felt him nonetheless. His touch now a phantom sensation on her skin. She sniffed and swallowed the lump in her throat. “Call Gil, he deserves to hear this from you one on one...then call your lawyers and I really hope that your mother wasn’t involved”

“She didn’t know anything, she figured it out and asked me to tell the truth.” He said softly, he watched her head bop once, and then she was turning the handle. 

There were no words of comfort he could offer, there was nothing he could offer her. He was a fool for thinking otherwise. And just for a moment, he wished he’d stayed for her in his mind. 

Freud said, “We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.” Suffering is real, that is why he chose to stay in this state of mind, it allowed him to put others first, it helped him to repent for the sins of his father, it let him know that he was real, but never has it hurt as much and as raw as watching her walk out his door. He just hoped there was a chance, a chance that she could forgive him, he didn't dare hope for anything more.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more angst for you guys, this will be focused mostly just the thoughts going through the heads of Dani and Malcolm while I build the story of Ainsley. A true WIP. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3

  
  
  
Dani rushed out into the cold night air and took a deep breath, she felt sick, her stomach turned not because of the idea of what she could only imagine Bright had done to Endicott’s body but more from the shock and betrayal of the whole situation. She ran to her car and pulled down the mirror to check her face. The last thing she needed was to show up to a possible crime scene looking like a hot mess. 

Her eyes stung and her insides felt twisted because she was so angry, so utterly sad, she hadn’t felt this kind of anger laced with sadness for a long time. Sure she was angry with cases and suspects, but it had been a long time since someone who she cared about, someone she let into her life, had disappointed her like this, instantly reminding her that, it was the reason why she kept people out and her circle small.

Pulling up to the midtown building she saw the uniforms that were waiting for her, she managed a quick text to JT and Gil and nodded for them to head up to Ramone Vieja’s building. Anytime they walked into a crime scene she mentally prepared herself for what was to come, but this felt different. One of the Unis already cleared things with the concierge as to their visit, and watched as the night guard scrabbled to no doubt call Vieja. She wondered how Ainsley could've come and gone without anyone seeing her or suspecting anything.

Ramon Vieja both lived and worked out of this building that he owned, though he also had a townhouse in the upper east side that they would have to check out too if this wasn’t the scene of the crime. When they got to the top floor which acted as his apartment, it was odd that not one assistant was there to greet them. That lump in her throat is growing even bigger now. They walked into the pristine penthouse apartment that overlooked the city and nothing seemed out of place, not even a sign of struggle.

“Mr. Vieja? Are you home?” she called.

After what seemed like a suspenseful minute, Ramone Vieja walked around the corner with a glass of amber liquid in his hand. With brows raised, he spread his arms out, “to what do I owe this very late and unexpected visit? I was told the murderer was found.”

Dani stared at him, so if not Ramone, whose blood was Ainsley covered in when she went to Bright, and she couldn’t help but wonder if he had lied to her again. “Sorry to disturb you, we got a tip that you may have been compromised.”

Vieja just smiled and shrugged, “as you can see, I am perfectly fine.” taking a sip of his drinks and pointing at the three officers at her back he said, “if there is nothing else, I would very much like to get to bed.”

Dani nodded, “of course, sorry for bothering you. Have a good night.” She said as she turned to leave, from the corner of her eyes she saw the smile on his face. Sometimes she really disliked people like him. Rolling her eyes, she ushered the other officers out. That unsettling feeling growing in her stomach and as she wondered what the fuck was going on. 

When they got to the lobby, she apologized, “sorry guys, false alarm.” as she said goodbye her phone went off, it was JT.

“What’s up JT?” she answered exhausted by the events of the day and night. 

“Powell, what the hell is going on? You know that I have a newborn right?” JT asked, clearly irritated and she got why. With everything going on, the last thing he needed to lose sleep over was some Whitley family bullshit. 

“Yea, uh, sorry. I got a tip and had to follow through. But Vieja is fine...” She said as she leaned against her car, dropping her head onto her arm that rested on the roof of the car. “Have you heard from Gil yet?”

There was a pause, then, “no I can’t get through, his phone is off or something. Should I be worried?”

Dani sighed, not sure what to say, “I think you should get some sleep for now. Give that beautiful baby a kiss and see you in a few hours. Believe me, you’re gonna need it.”

“Dani…, what’s going on?” His voice was softer now, she could hear the concern rolling off the words. 

She pressed her lips together as she felt that familiar sting at her eyes, “Everything JT, but like I said you’ll find out soon enough. But I’m not gonna lie, this is gonna be a hard one. Goodnight.”

She didn’t wait for him to reply back cause she needed to hang up and get in her car and let the tears flow. She was now angry because she was crying for what she couldn’t even keep track of, she had made a promise to only cry for things that mattered because if she didn’t then she’d never be done. She hit the steering wheel a few times and just let everything out.

II

Gil sat across from Malcolm who sat with his head in his hands. His face was hard and worn. This job meant odd hours, they chased leads at all hours of day and night. He wasn’t surprised to get the call from Malcolm at almost 2:30 in the morning, if he were being honest he was almost expecting it after this case. He saw how shaken he was, and how he avoided Dani during his statement. He had figured that something was going on with him, and as Dani had been telling him he was acting more “Bright” than usual.

Gil’s own mind was a mess with the recent events, getting stabbed, physio, getting back on the job, Jessica pulling away from him and his guilt over if he was doing right by Jackie. He almost welcomed the call which would ask him to come over and share a drink or two with his pseudo son. Touch base and maybe get back on track as much as they could. 

There was no lie that he cared deeply for Malcolm and Jessica, Ainsley as well, though they were never as close, he tolerated her journalistic pushiness as a courtesy to the other two members of her family with whom he formed a bond. She was sweet enough he had always thought. She was Harmless...

However, what he wasn’t expecting to come over to find is that the kid he tried so hard to steer in the right direction even though he was highly damaged by what his father had done would end up following the same footsteps. Martin Whitly was cancer and he was destroying his family even from afar after all these years, no one was left unscathed it seemed. Gil scrubbed his jaw and looked down at the drink that sat with a bloody shirt in the evidence bag in front of him.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Bright’s hand shaking uncontrollably, and he wondered how he managed to cut up a body and dispose of it with that hand. He had to wonder if there was a part of him that enjoyed it and the thought scared him. He was more disappointed than angry, but he also understood the situation, in his time as a cop, he’s met a lot of people who got away with a lot of things, and those stayed with him, built him up to work harder, but there were times when he wished he could do more when even the law was bent in their favor. He was torn because he wanted to hurt Endicott too if he were being honest.

The ping from his phone made him pick it up, it was Dani letting him know Ramone Vieja was alive and well. Which brought another unsettling feeling to the pit of his stomach. “Vieja is fine.”

Malcolm’s head snapped up to look at Gil, confusion laced within their depths. “...but...how?...Ainsley, she said that’s where she went.”

“Malcolm, we need to bring her in for questioning.” He said as he stood, grabbing the evidence bag on the way up. “You need to prepare your mother for what’s next.”

Malcolm looked at him, “Gil, she won’t survive another media circus, this will destroy them. I know I am not in any position to ask this but please let me bring Ainsley in.”

Gil looked down at him, Dani had said he was soft when it came to the Whitlys that his judgment gets compromised, and he knew she was right because he couldn’t help but feel indebted to the now man before him, the little kid who saved his life, the little kid who crawled inside of his heart and looked for safety. Because he felt the need to protect the woman who stood strong in her designer shoes but when he looked into her eyes he saw just how lonely she really was. They were he realized like family, and you do what you can for family.

Gil sighed, “I’ll go with you, I think we need to handle this as close to the books as possible,” he said, his eyes conveying that they would be watched, the credibility of his team was on the line. 

Malcolm’s eyes softened with appreciation. He rushed to throw on a sweater and shoes. They were out his door 10 minutes later. Gil contemplated telling Dani to meet them there, but then he thought against it. It’s best to give her space, for now, to come to terms with things.

II

Having lived through Martin, Jessica didn’t think there was anything that could break her. Her top priority, the well-being of her children, and fighting to live on with her head held high because she didn’t do anything wrong, god damn it, other than loving the wrong man. And what woman hasn’t at some point been let down by a man?

What she didn’t expect was getting a call from her son in regards to her daughter who killed a man in cold blood it seemed yet again. God damn Martin Whitley. She needed to save her children, she needed to protect them, because she had failed to do so back then. Because her choice of a partner was all wrong and they were paying the price. Her choices, she chose to get close to Endicott, she chose to bring that man into their lives, she set this whole thing in motion. She gulped down the single malt scotch and was about to reach for another when she heard the footsteps in the foyer. 

She felt guilty about Gil already and now he must really think they were cursed. 

Ainsley looked at Gil then at Malcolm, a flash of betrayal in her eyes. “Mal, what’s going on?”

“Ains, I need you to tell me exactly what happened tonight, walk me through it again,” Malcolm said as he grasped her arms to pull her down on the settee. His eyes were frantic to capture any micro expression he might have missed earlier. 

Her brows knitted together, and she looked down at the carpet, her eyes flashing back to the blood and Endicotts body, she gasped and pulled away from Malcolm. “I...I killed him...oh my god…”

Jessica moved forward to grab hold of Ainsley when Malcolm shouted for her not to. That she was going through another breakdown, she watched as Ainsely’s eyes moved quickly across the floor of her sitting room. 

Malcolm looked at Gil and then at his mother, “she’s going through an episode, very well could be hallucinating.” They needed to take the next few steps carefully. He slowly approached his sister, “Ains, I’m going to help you. But you have to tell me what is happening.”

Ainsley’s hands shook, “he was threatening us, I had to do it. I had to do it.” She was reliving the night of Endicott's murder, but the bigger question was whose blood was on her tonight.

Malcolm took her hands in his and nodded at her, “it’s going to be ok.” His eyes drifted to Gil who looked just as conflicted by the scene as he felt. “Mother call Dr. Bedford, and probably a good idea to call for counsel as well. Gil knows everything.”

Jessica looked at Gil who looked at her, and of course, the man had sympathy for her in his eyes. She swallowed and quickly moved to make the calls. 

Gil watched as 20 years later in the same house this family who tried so hard to build a life and pick up the pieces after Martin Whitly fell apart again. His heart ached and the dilemma of wanting to protect them even stronger now, battling his oath.

II

Malcolm tried to catch her eyes as she stood looking out of the windows of the conference room, with arms crossed and a stoic face in place, she was protecting herself from him. He dropped his gaze and looked at his hands. His head was pounding, his body felt battered at this point, the soreness making itself known. His lawyer had advised against him seeking her out, but he couldn’t help it, he needed to see her. Even though he knew she was listening in when he gave his statement.

Ainsley was currently being interviewed by a criminal psychologist along with the presence of Dr. Bedford, the army of lawyers his mother had on speed dial already working on a defense for her, while major crimes worked on trying to figure out whose blood exactly was on Ainsley’s shirt. He was currently out on bail.

In this room, they shared so many moments. And now this was where they might end the friend and partnership that took careful bricks to build. He wanted to reach out to her, he wanted to get down on his knees and apologize to her. There was nothing he could say that would ever make any of this easy or ok really and he knew that. He didn't know how to bring them back from this. 

“I guess you’re free to go?” she finally softly said, she didn’t turn to look at him. 

Malcolm swallowed and nodded even though she couldn’t see him. “Yea, for now.”

“You shouldn’t be talking to me…” it was simply a statement of where they stood on the sides of the law now. Yet it shattered him even more. Talking to her was one of the only things in his life that brought him any peace, that he enjoyed. 

“It wouldn’t matter, you know _everything_ ” he simply said, he watched her flinch just a bit at that. He was too late but she did know everything now. 

Dani chewed the inside of her lip, did she know everything now? How could she ever know for sure? And those were words that stumbled out of her before she could stop herself. “Do I? How can I ever know for sure?”

That hurt more than falling down an elevator shaft. That hurt more than breaking his own hand, getting stabbed, or living with the knowledge that his father tried to kill him as a child. The way her voice broke, the way he could feel a distance between them broke him. He knew he had no right to ask for her trust, or even hope for it but the human mind and heart worked on delusions for self-preservation and at this moment all he wanted was for her to look at him. 

But she softly asked, “Is that why you kissed me tonight? Was it just to soften the blow?” She didn’t actually think he was that manipulative but then again she didn’t know he could dismember a body and ship it off to Estonia. Everything felt wrong, but the worst of all was the idea that he only kissed her to confuse her. He was a profiler, after all, she was sure even though she tried hard not to give away her feelings that he saw it. 

His eyes quivered with emotion, is that what it came down to?! Did she really think that he’d be so low, that he was so calculating? Hadn’t he warned her that they shouldn’t go any further? Was everything he said a lie to her now? the dark part of his mind asked _"but didn't you wonder if it was leverage too?"_ He shook his head, no, what he felt for her was real, no leverage or manipulations. He...he wasn't like his father in this regard.

“I know...I don’t have a right to say this, but believe when I say that what happened between us tonight, was _real_ it was probably the most real anything has felt in a long time. Dani being with you...that’s all I think about, dream about.” He hoarsely whispered, swallowing the lump in his throat as his eyes stung. “I know I don’t deserve you, but I want you nonetheless.”

Dani turned to look at him, her own eyes full of emotions now. She wanted to hate him, she really did, she wanted to break him like he was breaking her, but she also wanted to believe him. 

“I told you once that I can’t be fixed, but you said you didn’t think that was true...the thing is I started to believe you, I started to believe that I could be better because you were here. I know I fucked things up, I know I broke your trust, but please believe this.” He couldn’t hold back the tears as they fell freely and quickly down his cheek. 

She stood digging her fists into her arms, she felt so weak and disgusted with herself for wanting to run to him, to embrace him. What kind of a woman was she?! She stared down at the rings that were digging into her skin. He was supposed to be one of them. “I can’t do this with you...I don’t know…” what’s real, what was a lie if everything was. 

“What’s real is how I feel for you, Dani…” He whispered before turning slowly to leave, taking one last glance at her, he walked out.

Jessica watched her son walk away from what she presumed up until now was his best friend, but tonight she realized that Dani Powell meant more to him than she previously thought. She pressed her lips together. She was a failure as a mother. Her fingers covered her lips, her own eyes watering as she watched her son’s defeated departure.

Freud said "Life, as we find it, is too hard for us; it brings us too many pains, disappointments, and impossible tasks. In order to bear it, we cannot dispense with palliative measures… There are perhaps three such measures: powerful deflections, which cause us to make light of our misery; substitutive satisfactions, which diminish it; and intoxicating substances, which make us insensible to it." They did what they could to cope, and were all to familiar with the measures they had to take in order to exist in their reality.


End file.
